The theorem is that in the end we all just cease to exist. BUT wait…

 I’ve been thinking about Life and what makes it worth living and I’ve realized that the majority of the things that make it worth while can rarely be quantified from the context of the physical realm.  Life is more than just Flesh even though we often make the mistake prioritizing it.  Many of the beautiful things that I have found to be worth living for aren’t even remotely physical. On the contrary, I find that the best things are absolutely intangible and more often than not we as humans can’t even quantify them nor can we seem to live without them.

Love, undoubtedly the one thing that makes life worth living. It is by no means a Physical phenomena yet it’s contribution to our existence is of tremendous significance.  This intangibility is evidence sufficient enough for me to conclude that there certainly is a great deal more to life than is visible to the naked eye.  I say this, not to disregard the importance of paying attention to the physical but, to bring light to a dimly lit room where material acquisitions have become the soul purpose for life.  Whatever it is that you are going through in this realm, know that this is not All that life has to offer. There is more. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. material things fade and wither away but one thing we know for certain is that Love will always be. Love knows no Color, it knows no Hatred, knows no Discrimination, no Illness, no Pain, Politics, Racism, Judgement, Nothing. Love is Love period!

Dealing with Doubt? Laugh at my pain…

So I am aware that i haven’t posted in forever and while I would like to make an excuse as to why I haven’t, the truth is that writing hadn’t been a priority for me lately. Writing was and is intended to be my outlet, my source of expression, my platform to communicate with the world what is happening deep within my being. I initially struggled with not knowing what approach to take when it came to my posts and honestly I had so many questions and so many doubts; What should I post? How often should I post? Who is my targeted audience? What material would they be interested in reading? What if they don’t like what I post? Will anyone even read my blog?  The list could go on and on.

This ongoing battle with the dragons of doubt among other things within has left me stagnant. This is not something I envisioned struggling with and yet it was. Preoccupied by stress and life, I had placed a halt on what is therapeutic to me. Needless to say, without writing I let everything build inside. Holding in had become so familiar until the dam walls began giving way.

One can only bottle things up for so long until the bottle becomes too heavy to bear. I have been in a relentless battle with my emotions. Struggling to express myself and rightfully so. The means through which I began to expressed myself became obsolete and bad things began to happen in a hurry.

This past weekend I decided to do something different and head out to the Brazos River. I decided that I needed to clear my head so I rented a kayak and braved the waters. Undoubtedly the best decision I have made for myself in a while, I learned some very interesting things about myself and about my life in general. The route was meant to take about 4 hours from beginning to end and you best believe i was excited to do it faster. The only thing i cared about in that moment was proving that I could get done in less than 4 hours so I was out on a mission. Halfway though the course I began to doubt myself. I began to question whether I was going the right way or not. I stopped rowing for a few minutes and did my best to try and spot others who might have been on the course too. I looked intently into the distance ahead and saw that no one was in sight. I looked back and to my astonishment, not a soul in sight there too. There weren’t any signs either, no directions and worse still I had no service on my phone so i slowly began to panic. “did I take the wrong turn?”, “Am I heading the right direction?”, “Am I lost?”

I took a deep breath in a bid to calm down and determined that the best thing for me to do was head back. It was me against the wilderness. “Here we go” i exclaimed, and so I began rowing back toward the last intersection i had passed through. As I approached the intersection, the current became so strong, against me, that I began to over compensate. I rowed harder and harder, inching my way closer. Slowly but surely I was making progress. The current became stronger and stronger and I kept telling myself “the Olympic rowers have nothing on me”. Next thing i know, I kid you not, My kayak flipped and there I was in the water. The paddle began floating away when I reached out and grabbed it. I looked at the kayak and It was completely submerged under water. Thankfully the water was only waist high so, grabbing the side of the kayak, I began to trek through the water towards the river bank.  I was so frustrated that i hastily yanked the kayak out of the water. I was so angry in that moment i just sat there for a minute and took several deep breaths. Thing is I had no one to be mad at but myself. Drenched in river water, I realized my wallet and phone were still in my pocket. What a day I thought. After getting the water out of the kayak, i decided i was going to give rowing upstream a break so i towed the kayak onto the grass and dragged it toward the intersection. “I’m doing too much” i thought.

I made my way to the intersection and finally dragged the kayak back into the water again. I decided to take the other turn and hoped I would see others along the way. It wasn’t long before my kayak came to a halt (the water became too low for the kayak to pass) when I realized that this surely couldn’t be the right way. After being convinced that i that I was going the wrong way earlier, i was convinced I was going the wrong way again.

To cut a long story short, it turns out that the first route I had taken was the correct one. Needless to say that i spent so much time and effort doubling back, flipped my kayak even, only to find out that i was on the right path to begin with. I really wanted to kick myself in the shin at this point and all i could think about was how lucky i am that no one was here to see or laugh at me.

I learnt something on the water though, something that i can honestly say has changed my outlook on so many things now. I learnt that even though others might not be on my path, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I am on the wrong path. There is no time to doubt or second guess myself because when I did, I end up in the water, frustrated and mad at no one other than myself, with my wallet drenched and my phone soaked. I can’t afford to second guess myself now. I’ve come too far to start trying to go backwards in life. Forward is the only place i’m headed. Onward to Victory.

What is Freedom?

What is Freedom? I mean really and truly what is it? We all claim to be free or we aspire to Freedom one day but what is Freedom in and of itself?  If we saw someone who was so called “Free”, what is it about them that we can identify and use to attest to their freedom?  Does Freedom need to be verified by others? Is Freedom an internalized experience? Is Freedom even an experience?  is Freedom joy or laughter? is Freedom Tangible? Is Freedom even real? Is Freedom a result of Societal Propaganda? Must Freedom be defined by Society?

I have long questioned this and to no seemingly obvious avail. I constantly say that I am free but am I really?  The insecurities of my childhood and my past plague me night after night as I mentally re-live all of them. The more i keep digging, the more I keep discovering within myself. Like a broken glass, there are so many pieces everywhere deep within. Some i have yet to confront i admit but still. The pieces are everywhere and I am not afraid however. I trust The Lord and know that with my pieces He can turn me into a masterpiece. Like a stained glass made of different pieces so too will I become if I just submit and allow the pieces to present themselves. Every time a memory is awoken, with it pieces of brokenness surface with it.

To be fair and honest i must admit that this constant unveiling of self came at a cost. It hurt like heck but i can’t stress enough how crucial it is. We must accept ourselves as ourselves. We must embrace the good and the bad within all of us. No one is perfect, aside from Perfection Himself, and consequently we must accept all our broken pieces and the ones we think are whole.  Yes i am hurt, yes i am broken but yes i am blessed and yes I am loved.

To answer the question of Freedom i will say this… Freedom, along with everything else, is relative.  I believe Freedom should be defined by self, within the confines of Truth obviously. I am Free and I stand by it. Yes I am broken and am constantly discovering myself but I am Free and there is nothing anyone can do to change that. Freedom can not be achieved externally if it hasn’t been attained Internally first. I am a work in progress so don’t count me out yet. Discover yourselves, keep pressing on everything that hurts until it hurts no more. Let go and let God. Look where you are right now. That should be a testament to yourself for yourself about yourself.  Don’t let anyone talk you down or piss on your dreams. If you believe enough you can achieve enough. You have the Freedom to choose what you want out of life and that Freedom is to die for. Know yourself so you can grow. Kill that which chokes and maintain a vessel of good soil. Only in which can the Seed truly grow effectively.

My Freedom is my own. The price has been paid already, and with my Freedom, I choose God. Let go of the things you can’t change and Grow in spite of your short comings. you owe yourself that much. Don’t wait for others to define who you are. Define you for yourself. God is the only one qualified enough to accurately tell you who you are. People, from now one, must accept you as One; as both the good and the bad not just the good aspects within. Good or Bad I am that I am.  I am NJ and there is nothing else to it. I am flawed but i’m constantly growing and learning and becoming better faster stronger. Defiance has long been my portion as i look back at my stubbornness so i know that only I can change for myself. Thing is, I want to change. I want to grow. This is the only reason that it has been possible. Change comes from within. What are you holding onto that’s that choking your growth? Let Go and Grow. Stop inviting the weeds!

What is Freedom? I ask you.

 

 

Alarm Chronicles!

I hear this faint sound beaming for my attention and drawing me out of my sleep.  Who could possibly be making noise so early in the morning?  The morning has not dawned yet, It’s darker than dark and yet this beep beep beep in gradually getting louder.  Reluctant to wake up, I reach for my phone.  Who is calling me? what do they want? It’s still dark outside, is there no such thing as courtesy anymore? who would do such a thing like this? It has to be urgent.

I grab my phone and this noise is at its climax now.  “Okay okay” i mutter under my breath.  As my eyes adjust to the flashing lights i realize that no one is calling me.  it’s my alarm…  Gosh no, it’s too early for this.  I am not waking up now are you kidding me? 15 more minutes is all i need.  I hit the stop button and curl back up in bed. “The audacity” i think to myself. Silence returns and I can return to my slumber. The room is still, and the morning sun still absent. The AC unit is the real MVP with it’s clutch white noise. It’s about to go down i whisper. I readjust my pillow one last time and I’m out for the count.

Beep beep beep beep beep… “not this again!” i lean over hastily to put an end to this howling disturbance. “It’s 5:30 am are you kidding me? Can’t you see i’m trying to sleep here? sigh!” My finger gravitates to my phone in an attempt to turn it off. My first attempt is unsuccessful and the cracks on my screen are proving to be the greatest defenders against my mission. I just want to get a few more minutes in. I’m not ready to wake up yet.  I manage to destroy this beep beep beep finally and motion towards my pillow. My heart rate is elevated now as a result of battling this enemy of progress.”Breathe” i say to myself as I exhale from a really deep breath. Stabilizing now, i drift back to sleep. I wish time could stop for at least 3 more hours. I’m really not ready to wake up right now and if my phone interrupts me one more time i’m not going to be the happiest camper.

Beep Beep Beep Beep…  “You have got to be kidding me.  Urghhhhhhh.  Okay okay i’m up now darn it”. Accepting defeat, I lazily lay there and let this beep beep beep monstrosity to its thing for a while. Getting dizzy from watching the ceiling fan go about its circular path, (I convinced myself that my eyes can follow one fan blade as it spun around).  I turn my head towards the window and the sun has finally begun to show its presence. Still faint, however, but definitely on it’s way. I motion to turn my alarm finally out frustration. “yeah yeah I’m awake now, whatever?” i think to myself.

“COFFEE…  NEED COFFEE” It’s time to start the day now.  5:49 am now and I’m ready to roll out of bed finally. My face feels weird  and i have the insatiable urge to sprawl out into a stretch. Yawning with arms spread wide open, I sit up from my laying position and reach for the sky *Best Stretch Ever* “Thank you God for another day” i declare. “here we go…”

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Whyyyyyyyyy do we have to wake up early? I mean why? Morning after morning, the alarm wins and yet night after night we set it. Catch 22 i reckon.  Although the darn thing is a pain, we have grown to depend on it. Day in and day out, Bitter-sweet satisfaction.  I can’t stand you but I don’t want to live without you. It makes no sense to me at all but there is much to be done today so i will deal with the Alarm tomorrow. And yes that’s exactly what I said yesterday too but whatever. I won’t give up.

Intro…!

Good day people,

My name is Narada but a vast majority of the people I hang out with and talk to now call me NJ. I am a Southern African male. I was born and raised in Zimbabwe and to any Zimbabweans I grew up mainly in Arcadia and Braeside and there was a time when I stayed in Bulawayo but that’s not the point of this post. My intension of this post in particular is to introduce myself to visitors out of respect and appreciation. I am a Graduate Mechanical Engineer in the United States of America. Since graduating in 2014, I’ve been working with an Industrial Refrigeration contractor as part of their engineering design team.

In the unlikely event that you were wondering how it is I ended up in America, I came to the United States after High-School at beginning of the year 2011  on a track and field scholarship to Texas Christian University (Go Horned Frogs). I Studied Mechanical Engineering (go figure) and so my college experience was a roller coaster to say the least. I am a young professional trying to establish myself in this world of ours and I hope to one day inspire many based on Truth and not Propaganda. I believe in The Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost. Jesus Christ is my King, my Lord & my Savior and I say that not to argue or compete with anyone. My beliefs are my own and I offer no judgement towards those whose beliefs differ to my own and respectfully ask that the same be awarded unto me and any of my posts in return. I am hoping to use my blog to genuinely and authentically express myself help whomever might visit my page in one way shape or form. Please feel free to comment, email or just say hi.

NJ

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